I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
