he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
