help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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