Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
