i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize