I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
