Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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