Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
