I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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