If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
