onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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