you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sext me about skeletons
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
