I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
