And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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