when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
