God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
