i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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