Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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