It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
