k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
