im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
