It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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