Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
