she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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