Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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