my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
