Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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