My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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