Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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