He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
