You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
