at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
