Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
