y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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