So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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