What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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