I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
