Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
