i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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