So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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