just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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