Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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