she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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