I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think a kid would responsible me up
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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