So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
