He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sext me about skeletons
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
