He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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