carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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