dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
