just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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