I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
