You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
