I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
