guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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