I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think a kid would responsible me up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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