I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
