you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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