I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
