I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
