I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
