We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
