I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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