Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Welp...herpes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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