You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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