Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
