you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
