last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ugly people sure do ruin things
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
