don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think your dad took our porno
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
