He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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