K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
