It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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