So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
