I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
