Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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