I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
