I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
