Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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