I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
