meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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