You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
