just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
