woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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