It was confusing and full of hummus
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
