Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
