Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
