I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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