Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
