I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
