You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
