I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
