kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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