I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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