i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
