my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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